the roller coaster of us

this is my breaking point. i have finally hit it. i never liked to fight — i’m not confrontational. you know all i wanted was for you to be happy and stress-free. maybe you are now that we are no longer together, but do not lead me on anymore. either you want me forever or never. none of this bullshit of “maybe one day”, because if “maybe one day” actually worked out, i would sit here and wait a thousand years for you.

i can’t even stop crying — god, why can’t i stop crying? i just want you. the saddest part is i don’t even think you ever want me again. until i met you, i didn’t even know it was possible to break something that was already broke. it was now or never and you chose never.

i am doing things now that never please me anymore just to fill the void of you. you see what you have done to me? remember when you were so excited with butterflies and knots in your stomach just to meet me? i bet you would take it all back now. it was so innocent back then. no matter how many people i meet to get you out of my mind, i am still so lonely. i am distant, and i want to run away from here. i feel so alone.

i am sorry. sorry for everything i should have said when we were together. sorry for not knowing how to love myself enough to fully and unconditionally love you. i am sorry i got too attached — it seems to be the pattern with me nowadays. i am sorry i never asked how your day was. i should have kissed you when you left my house. i am sorry i hurt you. i am sorry i saw a future with you and hoped it would be us again. i am sorry i gave my all to you — it was too big of a task to handle, i know. i am sorry i started to fall in love with someone new. i am sorry i wrecked our relationship. i am so so sorry to you. you deserved so much more than what i gave you. i know you will find it though. someone will love you better. i am just sorry that someone isn’t going to be me.

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