i gave you up just to realize i still want you

i tried. i tried to give you up.

even though it was only one night,

it worked.

for that time i was with him, i never thought of you.

i wasn’t stressed about you. i wasn’t worrying about what my life would be like without you, because i was living it.

it was just lust — and i know that.

i knew the feeling was only temporary,

but i was okay with that.

i wish i could completely replace you, but you and i both know that is not possible.

i believe time heals all things so i know it will eventually heal my heart, but i do not want to wait for that anymore.

for me, it is you or nothing at all.

so i will keep my eyes closed and feel his hands on me.

i wish you knew that

you were never my show.

it never mattered to me if the whole world knew about us or just me and you.

you were all i ever wanted and

still want.

i thought at first you would just keep me company,

but it turned into much more than that.

i am reminded every day about how hard i fell for you — and i hate that.

i lied,

you cheated.

we broke each other in more ways than one, but you were my angel in disguise.

my heaven in hiding. 

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