i tried. i tried to give you up.
even though it was only one night,
for that time i was with him, i never thought of you.
i wasn’t stressed about you. i wasn’t worrying about what my life would be like without you, because i was living it.
it was just lust — and i know that.
i knew the feeling was only temporary,
but i was okay with that.
i wish i could completely replace you, but you and i both know that is not possible.
i believe time heals all things so i know it will eventually heal my heart, but i do not want to wait for that anymore.
for me, it is you or nothing at all.
so i will keep my eyes closed and feel his hands on me.
i wish you knew that
you were never my show.
it never mattered to me if the whole world knew about us or just me and you.
you were all i ever wanted and
i thought at first you would just keep me company,
but it turned into much more than that.
i am reminded every day about how hard i fell for you — and i hate that.
we broke each other in more ways than one, but you were my angel in disguise.
my heaven in hiding.