love yourself first

Relationships are not easy, but they are easier when you know yourself. They are less difficult and less dramatic when you have dealt with and made peace with your past, trauma, insecurities, fears, etc. The longer you go without having dealt with all of these things, the longer you will carry over all your old baggage into new situations.

Then the most famous questions of them all arise, “how can anyone love you, if you do not love yourself?” How can you live your life day to day feeling purposeless, feeling worthless, feeling empty, feeling ugly, feeling fat, feeling confused? You cannot expect to meet someone who will save you from the hell inside your head. More often than not, the person you meet will have just as many, if not more, issues than you. More often than not, the person you attract will be someone who also feels they need saving. You are who you attract. Be mindful of the energy you carry around. Be mindful of the curses you speak out loud. In no way is this me saying anyone with baggage is not capable of being loved. Truth is, everyone can be loved. All I am saying is in order for a relationship to last, you have to put the time in. You have to be willing to put in work. You cannot go around blaming every human who has ever hurt you for being the messed up, cold-hearted person you are today. You might be lost, naive, and insecure today, but all you can do is reflect on where you have been, pull the skeletons out of your closet, one by one, and acknowledge them. They made you who you are. Instead of focusing on everything you hate about yourself, try focusing on everything you love — even if the list is shorter. That way the next time you meet someone great, or the next time you enter a relationship, you are no longer searching for a savior. Only you can give yourself the acknowledgment you deserve. If you respect yourself, others will follow.

Remember at the end of the day, you have to live with yourself. Make sure you are happy with the person you see in the mirror. You get one life; try not to spend it hating yourself.

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