i am single. i have been single now for over a year and a half now which is the longest i have been single since i started dating. in that time, i have had to grow up and learn a lot of things. since this is the longest i have ever been single, it is the only time i have ever had to myself without worrying about somebody else. i constantly had to worry about somebody else and never really focused on accomplishing my ambitions in life or really figuring out what they really were. i found that i constantly would lose myself wanting a relationship or being in one. now that i have learned the hard way, a relationship that you lose yourself in is not a healthy relationship nor is it good for your mental state. sure, i tried dating this past year but i genuinely did not feel a connection with anybody, and after having my heart broken too many times by falling too quickly, i was over trying to force something that was clearly not going to end well.
i used to be so insecure about my friends and how they’re all in happy, loving relationships but after losing myself and many friends along the way, i am happy with where i am right now. i don’t need to give myself to anybody because society right now is saying “get married young, have a kid, you always need to be in a relationship, a partner will make u happier,” etc. but i have finally figured out that is not what is best for me. i am nowhere stable enough mentally to be in a relationship, and i’m constantly changing because i am so young and indecisive. i couldn’t put somebody else through my bull when i don’t even know how to fully love myself or what i want in life.
i love traveling, and i’m starting to learn to do things for myself. slowly, everyday is progress. moral of the story is i don’t want to be in an unhappy relationship. so i will wait until the perfect guy comes along because i believe there is somebody out there for everybody. whether that happens in the next 5 years or 15, is up to God. in the meantime, i will continue to improve myself and support the people around me who love me.